Question: Hello, Rav Eliyahu Essas!

I wish you prosperity and long life!

I want to apologize in advance for the time taken, my question, you have time. I am terrified of some people. I cannot ignore this fact, because the behavior of these people destroys my desire for life in all its good manifestations, including the creation of a family (fear for her in the future), and sows despondency in me (even for a short time).

There are people who, taking advantage of their advantageous position, oppress people in a less advantageous position, and behave, at times, boorishly and immorally.

Advise how to be in such cases, if they cannot be avoided, tk. they are connected with an integral part of life (work, etc.).

I will clarify that fear overcomes such people, even if I know that I am right and what to answer, but I am afraid that they can harm me, although this may not always be the case.

I also ask you to tell me how to develop confidence and strengthen the spirit.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!

Answer of Rabbi Eliyahu Essas:

Thank you for your good wishes and the delicacy you have shown in writing the text of the letter.

In general, the situation you described is understandable to me. This often happens with people. But in order to help you, I admit, I lack many details that to a significant, and sometimes decisive, degree determine the strategy and tactics of the behavior of a person who experiences such difficulties and wants to change his situation for the better. After all, everything is important here: the age of a person, and his social status, and the characteristics of his character, psychological and emotional "device", etc. etc. In addition, it is one thing if the problem is narrow, local (when someone is afraid of several specific people, and a change of scenery and environment can help). And it is completely different if the problem is much larger (if a person is afraid of people of a certain category, etc.).

You don't write about anything like that. Therefore, not knowing either you or the circumstances in which you live, I am forced to consider the general options for the situation.

If you're Jewish, it's not hard to imagine that the harassment you're experiencing may be related to anti-Semitism in one way or another. And here, for example, changing jobs or, say, moving to another street or to another city in the same country will not help. Anti-Semitism in Russia and in other countries is a fairly common phenomenon.

Is it necessary to be afraid of anti-Semites, as well as other "oppressors" who shamelessly use their position, instilling fear in you?

No. And in order not to be afraid of them, try to realize that they are not able to radically influence you and your destiny. For the fate of the universe and human, in particular, is in the hands of the Almighty, and only He alone controls everything in the world.

From such people it is necessary, as far as possible, to distance oneself. By choosing a certain, fairly clear line of conduct. Even if you are sure that you are right and know what to answer them, you should not prove anything to them. And not even out of fear that they might harm you, but because it is usually useless to convince them of anything. And there is no point in wasting mental energy on this. Try to communicate with them (if necessary) politely and with restraint. Not fawning over them (this usually gives only a negative effect) and maintaining self-esteem.

And you should always remember that you have your own life, which no one but you can build.

However, my most important recommendation for you, if you are a Jew, is to start living like a Jew. That involves the study of the Torah, in all its aspects, and the implementation of its laws in practice (including everyday life, communication with people, etc.).

Not to mention the fact that this is how every Jew should live (the Torah and the laws written in it are given to all our people and every Jew, without exception), this road, when you go along it, will strengthen you spiritually. It will give you completely different inner strengths, help you develop stamina, flexibility and other necessary qualities. In the process of studying the Torah, you will gain a different view of the world, including your environment and what is happening around you.

The existence of a person who lives with faith in the Creator, studying His Wisdom, revealed to us in the Torah, becomes meaningful. It is easier for him to set himself quite clear, true life goals. He has his own scale of priorities, which, by the way, according to our tradition - the creation of a family and caring for her.

At some stage, you will no longer feel alone, but an integral part of our people, with a history of more than 3,500 years. This feeling of unity with one's people gives a person great confidence in himself and in his future.

If you are a non-Jew. I suggest that you, first of all, carefully read and consider the answer posted on the site "The life of a non-Jew, pleasing to the Creator." (http://evrey.com/sitep/askrabbi1/q.php?q=otvet/q269.htm) And if you try to build your life based on the principles outlined in it, the help of Heaven will come to you, the world of the Most High will open before You in a different light and shine with different colors. And your life position will also become different. More solid, more meaningful.

However, you can use some of the above general considerations and recommendations ...

In expanding the topic, I recommend reading on the site, for example, the answers “How to become a good person?” (http://evrey.com/sitep/askrabbi1/q.php?q=otvet/q2452.htm), “How to learn to respect yourself, how to build yourself? (http://evrey.com/sitep/askrabbi1/q.php?q=otvet/q4108.htm)" and "I can't communicate with girls or employers (http://evrey.com/sitep/askrabbi1 /q.php?q=answer/q4337.htm ) ” - with answers and materials indicated in them by links.