Rav Eliyahu Desler, from the series "An Essay on Charity»


Essay about boon 6. On the love between man and woman


Love between a man and a woman - an amazing phenomenon, the strongest concentration of mental energy and emotion. How to understand the nature of this love, how to explain what it is for?

At first glance, one might think that in this sense there is no special content. Just Hashem has put in some human desire, by which the human race continues. Just as he has put in us the feeling of hunger, which causes us to nourish your body and maintain life.

It is obvious that it can not satisfactorily explain the relationship between a man and a woman. After all, for that would continue the family line, enough of the passion that the representatives of opposite sexes are experiencing in relation to each other, and the desire to have children. Meanwhile, the love between man and woman is clearly not limited to these two components. What is the secret of this love?

Some argue that the cause of love - a sense of gratitude that the couple feel for each other. It is only with the help of a partner people can meet their physical needs, such as the family, the birth of children, etc. But this is an obvious error! Is it a small absolutely ungrateful by nature people who, however, dearly love your husband or wife!

Therefore, to answer this question differently: love between man and woman there because they complement each other! Gd created man so that he may not be quite complete without a partner. And so our sages said (Midrash Bereishit Rabba, Chapter 17, Section 2, see also Zoyar Hadash 1, n Hukas 83b, a treatise Yevomos 62b-63a...): The one who has no wife, is incomplete. The reason for this lies in the fact that a lone man can not fully perform its task in life. Therefore, giving each other the completion of the missing, they love each other. This is consistent with what we have argued that so far: giving the likes of who gives. Therefore, the greatest desire of men and women - to do something good for another, to please him, to please him. After all, they love each other!

From what has been said before, and it becomes clear why this love so often turns out to be short-lived and unsustainable fad.

Obviously, the nature of its people prone to what would take and not give. When the couple was ruled natural passion, which is necessary for procreation, the partners were ready to give everything for each other. But then, very quickly, the passion has passed, a natural attraction dim, the couple returned to a natural predisposition for most people - take. They have not even felt, what happened to them radical change. Most recently, they directed all the forces that have done better than others. Now they are engaged only in that require the peer to the performance of duties in relation to itself.

Is this situation can love?

Therefore, at weddings, I always tell the young couple: my dear, always aspire only to what would please each other. Remember how you would like to make each other pleasant under the chuppah! Be aware that if you start to demand from each other, you will not have a chance for a happy family life.

There are even people who do not want to start a family. The reason for this lies in the fact that their selfishness completely dominates them. Natural needs that push many to find a partner, even temporarily unable to overcome their reluctance and inability to give to others.

And those who do not want to have too many children - an ordinary phenomenon in our time - it is hardened egoists who do not want to give even their own children.

A good relationship between husband and wife will arise when each of them will be an altruist - at least in relation to the spouse. Then they can expect a long love and happiness, until his death.


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