How to keep love?

Leo kazin

- an exciting moment of my wedding was an ancient Jewish custom badeken - wrote one of America's leading experts in the field of family relations Mort Fertel in his best-selling book «Marriage Fitness». - A few minutes before the wedding ceremony, the chuppah, I'm surrounded by a rabbi, relatives and friends entered the room in which I was expecting my fiancee. She sat in a chair decorated, and our mother were with her. I went up to my fiancee and performed the rite badeken, covering her face with a veil covering her face ... the bride's veil, the bride takes care of it, is behaving like a man, so some sages believe that the hoop starts with badeken. Book «Marriage Fitness» read by millions of non-Jews, however Mort Fertel decided to tell it about the meaning badeken ceremony, mentioning and other known causes. When our forefather Jacob wanted to marry Rachel, whom he loved, her father Laban tricked him, replacing Rachel Leah. And since then, according to tradition, a groom should check before the wedding, whether with him under the chuppah be his favorite.

"However, if the whole point of badeken that the groom should not repeat the mistake of Jacob, that he would have to not cover the face of the bride's veil, but on the contrary, open it! - surprised Mort Fertel. - So what is the meaning of what the groom covers the bride's face veil "?

The next day after the wedding, Laban said to Jacob, that he would not have given Rachel, because, according to the custom of these places, the older sister, Leah, was to be married first. Laban also promised that Jacob can take his wife and Rachel. Then Jacob realized that in order to marry his beloved Rachel, he first had to marry Leah. Rachel was the choice of Jacob and Leah - his fate. To a person has succeeded in creating a family, he has to choose, but at the same time to take the fate of which is veiled, hidden from him.

Not only Jacob, but every bride and groom before the end do not know each other before the wedding. Many qualities of character, episodes of the past, and weave the future hidden from them.

Badeken the deeper meaning lies in the fact that the closing face of the bride, the bride expresses that its independent from any circumstances for her love. He takes it for what it is, even without knowing it until the end, with all the advantages and disadvantages. The meaning of marriage is to be found in the person of one wife, and Leah, their fate, and Rachel, my love.

"The task of the bride is not so much to find a woman he will love and which will marry (because many such marriages have broken up), and to find love with a woman, whom he married!" - concludes Mort Fertel. True love does not depend on external beauty or wealth. Even if people find love in each other shortcomings, it does not become the end of their love. "A few years after the wedding, one man discovered that his wife is sick with alcoholism, - says Mort Fertel. - At first, he was beside himself with rage, but over time began to help her to overcome this disease. And the more he held her, the more loved and the stronger becomes their family ... "

"I often speak to people far removed from the Torah - says Rabbi Eliezer Tauber in his book« Thoughts for a Jewish Home ». They ask me:

- Secular people meet before the wedding for years, but among them large number of divorces, how do we explain the fact that among the religious Jews almost no divorces, although they are relatively short period of time and are not well aware of each other?

- Do you love your children? - I answer with a question.

- What a question?

- How can you love children, not knowing what they grow up people, whether to bring you joy or sorrow? - I say. - The answer, however, is that we love those who invest in our strengths, and the more they give themselves, the stronger our love. "